Happy Pets Pet Sitting

Hi all,

Just wanted to let you know I have a small business pet sitting, dog walking, and overnight house sitting in Brisbane.
If you want to know more, check out my website, www.happypetsitting.com.au

Many thanks! :)

Tara

The Worst Deceit

I see you Monday. You have to do some things at the shops and your old house and last time we talked I told you I’d been upset by us all week. I see you and I can’t help smiling even though I’d been so upset all week. Seeing you somehow stops me from remembering all my sad thoughts. I don’t bring up my sadness but you do. It’s nice that you actually want to talk about my sadness. It makes me think you have been listening to me. I can’t remember why I was sad (being with you) but I tell you I’ve been very sad about us all week. And you try to get me to talk but I don’t know what else to say because I don’t really want to get upset in the shopping centre. We don’t talk about it for a bit and we have some light banter. We go to your old home and you fix up whatever you need and I stare out the window watching the trees sway in the breeze. I secretly want you to come up behind me and hold me and kiss me and never let me go. You do come up and hug me from behind and kiss my neck and then we sit down and you put your head between my thighs and rest there. You have taken your shirt off and I am always fascinated by your bare chest and back and I can’t help but want to stroke your skin. You ask me again what’s wrong? And I say I don’t know what to say. I’ve been feeling terrible all week and being with people I’m ok but being alone I get sad and depressed about how we are. I don’t know how this is going to work. And my sadness is from things you can’t do anything about. I would like to be able to speak to you whenever I want rather than wait for you. And we try to think about how that could work. I joke that it’ll probably be only me figuring it out but I think you took that as an insult when it was a joke. We enjoy our time together until you drive me home. It was all fine. I knew it was going to happen and then you say you’ll possibly see me tomorrow and for a second I’m surprised and happy and then I remember the other times you have said that to me and what has happened and I feel sad. I say, probably not, to try stop myself from hoping and from being hurt when it didn’t happen. And you say, probably, and I say well you’ve said things will happen before and I haven’t heard from you, and you look at me helplessly and I realise I’ve ruined the end of our hang. You say possibly maybe you’ll see me and I leave. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just trying to protect myself from disappointment if it didn’t happen. And then I realise I’m hanging with my boyfriend all day the next day but in my head if you do prove me wrong and have time for me then I am prepared to lie to my boyfriend to spend time with you because I barely get to see you and I would be so happy if you proved me wrong this time. Maybe this time. 
I spend my day wondering if you are going to text and then realise by the end that you aren’t. I say to myself, well I suppose he was busy or caught up doing something. Because I never believed you would hurt me deliberately or value our time together so little. 
The next day you say, morning Sadie, in a very not friendly way the next day and I say, good morninggg, because I was in a better mood and you ask me what I’ve been up to and I say, not much, in a small hope you might be free even though I was doing some work. And you reply, chilling and possibly doing some unpacking, and I realise you probably aren’t free and so I confront the issue of yesterday saying I was right, and your next messages punch me hard in the chest. You said, no, I made you right. And I said, made me right?

And you said, I had some free time but I gamed instead. And I felt it. It hurt. It really hurt. You had chosen to not spend time with me. That was what you had just said to me. I said, that makes me feel terrible and you said I made you feel terrible on Monday. I still couldn’t believe it. You had said the words I had always dreaded. You didn’t want to see me. And I’m not quite sure why but it seemed to me that you did it for a petty reason. To teach me a lesson? To hurt me? To make a point? To prove my harsh but true words right? You didn’t apologise. You didn’t even seem like you cared that you hurt me. I told you, that really hurt, and you said I made you feel terrible too with some comments I made. So did you do it because I said something wrong?

I asked if I hadn’t said that would you have seen me? And you said you probably would’ve seen me if I hadn’t said that. And it’s like a threat to me. -I can’t tell you what hurts me anymore because it’ll hurt your feelings or you’ll take any time we could have together away from me-

And all I’m thinking is, you chose not to see me. Don’t you realise how little time we spend together already? Does that not matter to you? I would spend every little free time I could with you. Even when you have hurt me I would still rearrange my busiest day schedule for you. I have been lying to my friends and family and to my boyfriend for you. And you don’t even want to spend time with me...😶

I can’t believe you have done this to me. Why would you do it? You say you want me to be happy with you and then you do this. I can’t believe anything you say anymore. Your actions contradict your words, quite a few times now. I have given you so many chances and even accepted that you may not be there for me when I need you. But this has really ruined me. I don’t know how to trust you anymore.