Ladybug Discoveries

Once upon a time, there was a girl. She loved to sit among the long strands of grass and wonder at the pretty words said to her in books. She found that those words were what made her understand and understanding was what made her intelligence grow. She was a thoughtful little girl and one day a mystery occurred; a bug the size of a teensy little button landed on her thumb. It was a lady bug with bright red and black spots all over its shell. She stared at it and it stared at her and spoke a word.

Buzzzz.

She didn’t understand this word so she tried saying it to herself.

“Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz.”

She tried it in different pitches, different accents (of the few that she knew), different lengths of time, and accented different syllables. By then the lady bug had flown away. She looked at her thumb where the lady bug had been marching about and found microscopic footprints. She ran around looking for a magnifying glass to grab and used it and a camera to take a picture. The picture couldn’t see what she saw though. It missed the most important details of her discovery.

She thought long and hard about the cute little footprints and came to a decision. She decided to use her intelligence to investigate the mystery of the word by following the tracks and clues.

Shout, shout, shout, said her mother. She looked up from her right hand startled and realised that her mother was forming words.

“- are you doing? Would you please come in Jelly! I need your opinion on some cupcakes for your birthday!”

So she ran through the towering grass of her backyard and found herself in a much neater household as her mother licked her own fingers. She gestured for Jelly to try a cupcake so she did. She asked for a knife and her mother handed her one. She carefully cut the cupcake into four not quite equal quarters and looked at the pink swirls that were captured within the fresh white yellow cake of the cupcake. She delighted in the feel of how fluffy it was inside her mouth. She chewed slowly with a frown on her face making sure her mother recognised that this was a serious matter and not just her wanting to eat a cupcake. Each quarter tasted the same but also quite different. She then gave her verdict.

“Raspberries.”

She nodded her head and her mother smiled.

“Of course darling, but what colour frosting would you like?”

Jelly liked surprising people so she decided that the cupcakes frosting must be...

“Blue.”

She smiled righteously, very sure of her choice and proud to have made such an important decision. She would have liked to help out more but she also liked to be surprised and she knew her mother knew so she told her she would be back later and walked happily out the door and back into the jungle that is their backyard. She grabbed the magnifying glass and the camera again and walked into the adventure awaiting her.

As she slowly tiptoed through the grass, she suddenly felt her foot catch and ended up with her face squished into her magnifying glass which lay stuck between her right cheek and the green of the grass. She stopped moving suddenly and looked excitedly through the glass and quickly clicked the camera. She lifted the magnifying glass slightly with her eye still very close to it showing a magnified curiosity in one of her brown eyes. It was those footprints again! But this time, not on her finger. She was genuinely disappointed in the camera and how it couldn’t see what she saw. Here was evidence and she couldn’t even record it! Frustrated she threw it away (not very far mind you) but then realised her mother might not be happy about that so she quickly picked it up again and tried to clean it as best she could so that any permanent damage couldn’t be easily seen. She put it near the house carefully leaving a trail so she could find the footprints for a second time. She grabbed a pencil and notepad and decided she could draw it even though she knew it wasn’t proper evidence but it was still something more accurate than the stupid camera.

She looked for the magnifying glass and to her horror found it missing. The footsteps were still there though, this time, much bigger. They looked very peculiar. It hardly represented human footprints at all. But then again she guessed it couldn’t represent a human footprint as it was actually a ladybug’s footprint. She started sketching a line which turned into grass and then started on the footprint (or should she say ladybug-print?).

Thoughts that hadn’t occurred to her were: why had the footprints gotten bigger? And why was the grass much bigger than her?

As she sketched she heard a slow dragging sound that sounded like the friction of something heavy being dragged across paper. She didn’t want to get too freaked out so she ignored it until she was satisfied with her finished sketch. By then the noise had gotten fainter and she had to listen really hard if she wanted to find out what was happening. So she stood very still and located it as coming from the direction in front of her. She skipped half a step as she almost collided with a leg. Well it didn’t look like a leg but she turned her head upwards and found herself eye to eye with a pray mantis.

“How did you get taller than me?”

It looked at her and didn’t seem very interested so Jelly decided to walk on careful not to run into anything else.

The noise got closer and closer as she skipped merrily toward it. She was excited. She had never encountered such a crazy happening. She noticed that the footprints seemed to be headed in the same direction as the sound and she jumped up excitedly. The wind had picked up as if it urged her onwards. She rounded one more piece of grass and found to her astonishment, her magnifying glass.

It was just where she had left it. In fact she had ended up back where she had started. She stomped her foot in annoyance and frustration and then realised her mistake too late. A ladybug had been underfoot and squished to death. She gasped in horror. Tears fell down her cheeks. The footprints she saw before led to where the ladybug lay squashed. She knelt down beside the still red and black spotted 2D bug. It choked out one last word just gasping for life. One last word.

Its last meaningful thought before it succumbed gratefully to the unknown.

Buzz?

It didn’t sound like a statement but rather a question. It was a question that Jelly was quite well acquainted with already and had asked her mother many times before (to the annoyance of her mother).

“Good question Mr Ladybug. Good question.”

She said sadly as she tried to stop more tears falling. It was her birthday. But she had no right to do wrong just because it was her birthday. Just because it was the day she came to life did not mean she could end a life. Balance didn’t work that way. It shouldn’t! She felt like a murderer. It was terrible. Why did she have to get annoyed! Why oh why oh WHY?!?!

Her mother came out wondering what was going on and found Jelly curled in a ball with her eyes shut tight. She put her hand on her daughter’s shoulder and asked what was wrong.

“I-I ...I ...got a-angry and st-st-st-stomped and murdered a p-p-poor innocent life.”

Her mother looked around and couldn’t find anything wrong. Then she saw it; the small red and black squashed bug. She silently laughed to herself and hugged Jelly tight.

“Shhh Jelly. Don’t cry. It’s alright. Sometimes things happen that we can’t help and we shouldn’t dwell on it or else we’ll end up making our future our past. Ok? Jelly?”

“Ok.”

Jelly looked up and had stopped crying. What was wrong with this place? She thought. If dying leads to a better place why would you stay here? She let herself be lead into the house making sure she didn’t forget her notebook, pencil, and magnifying glass.

“Now why don’t you get ready for your birthday party? That pretty dress is waiting for a beautiful princess to wear it. So you should tell her to get lost and wear it yourself.”

“Mum!!!”

“Just joking darling. You are the beautiful princess of course. Now be happy and enjoy your birthday!”

Jelly, still not completely cheered, tried to be encouraged by her mother’s words but couldn’t find it within her. She automatically put on her new dress without emotion and decided to look through her notebook at the footprints she had. She looked through each drawing trying to understand what the word buzz meant thinking it might unlock some hidden message that could distract her from her now murderer status. On the last page she found a page full of proper footprints all lined up in a way that looked like words.

Buzz Buzz, Buzz Buzz. Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz. Buzz.

She said it over and over again and thought, because it was usually what happened, that it would make less and less sense as she repeated it. But the opposite happened. Her mouth opened in an o shape and then transformed into a small smiled.

It was an accident!

We Get On

I turned around and there he was. His short blonde curls rustled as usual. His usual tense posture relaxed. His fingers entangled in some girl’s brown hair. Her long straight hair tumbled down her slender back only imperfect where it was touched by his fingers. Her small frame was balanced out with curves that I wished I had.

Their lips were locked.

My vision started blurring. I had to get out but I couldn’t seem to move. I simply stared like you would stare at the oncoming wave of a tsunami. If you’re that kind of frustrating person who likes to watch devastating and scary things. I am.

It was both confusing and enlightening in a strange and scary way. It was this guy who I thought I knew. I thought he was mine and no one else’s. I thought that the time we found a seashell and bought nachos by the beach meant something. I thought that our accidental clichéd hand touch was something. I thought my clumsiness that only ever happened in his presence meant something.

I guess I was wrong.

I blinked and as I did I slowly walked backwards not careful not to bump into anyone else.

“Woopsy daisies. Sorry didn’t see you there.”

“I was the one walking backwards and consequently not thinking of how I might unwittingly crash or trip over something or someone.”

“Seriously though. I was walking forwards with my eyes closed.”

“Oh”

“Oh.”

I looked at him. He was holding a drink in one hand and looked a little unbalanced and a little red in the face. He grabbed my hand suddenly to steady himself. I jumped at the same time and we both ended up on the floor, him laughing.

“We’re not very good at this are we?”

I looked at him again and smiled.

His brown fringe was covering his forehead and he was looking very awkward but quite gorgeous at the same time even though his legs tangled in mine. His hand was still holding mine even though it was of no use to him anymore. I jerked my hand away suddenly afraid and found, to my embarrassment, tears were sliding down my cheeks. He, a little confused, reached out to wipe them away but I quickly got up and walked away.

I found my friends in a huge group just talking and dancing. It was all so...normal. I thought they’d be sitting talking amongst themselves or attached to some other guy or something. But as Shea saw my face she quickly broke away from the rest of the group and grabbed my hand. I frowned. It was all so overwhelming in my state of mind. I knew that time would keep going on as normal without me but the part of my brain that comprehended emotions just didn’t think it could be possible.

She asked what was wrong and I told her what I saw but not what happened afterwards. She handed me a drink and I gratefully finished it in one gulp. It numbed my throbbing irrational emotions as she handed me another and let go of my hand. She gestured for me to join the group but I just felt like sitting down.

As my emotions started to become less and less noticeable I walked around the house. Just wandered like a ghost thinking I might just rewind what happened and start again. Though the night wore on, I pretended it was just beginning and began skipping. I accidentally ran into that guy again but didn’t take any notice this time. He asked what I was doing and I just skipped right past him. Then someone else grabbed my hand again and I twirled as if dancing with the faeries that never stopped. As I collapsed onto my back very dizzy a different face looked down at me.

His brown fringe pointed at my eyes. I pointed back with my right index finger. He laughed and my body started shaking in response. I saw myself giggle as he helped me up and he pretended to wipe the tears that weren’t there anymore.

“Now, let’s start again. I’m Sebastian.”

I didn’t say anything in response because names meant something. Names meant learning something about a person’s whole identity. And that meant everything. Not like that other guy. He stared at me expectantly so I said,

“Hi”

He shook his head and laughed. A trait I was beginning to associate him with (laughing that is, not shaking his head). He pulled me along through the halls and rooms passing all the other people who glanced over at us but didn’t stare as if their whole world was collapsing. I guess that may be an inner thing rather than a visible thing. I wondered at what was happening. I had had enough drinks to know I didn’t care but I was curious nonetheless. He found an empty room and pulled me in.

He finally let go and I jumped onto the bed. It was squishy and comfortable and I felt so content lying there. He moved towards me and I looked up at him. I decided to distract him from looking at me in a way that made my nerves start to tingle excitedly.

“What a lovely colour arrangement and the flowerpot is oh so adorable. Oh look what a pretty dresser and cupboard. I have that sticker on my bed too! I love those stickers. They’re so fun – ”

He covered my mouth playfully so that I would shut up and I started giggling in that ridiculous way that most girls do. That I do, apparently. Why does this make me feel so normal; like everyone else? But before I could ponder further he kissed me. It was sloppy and not at all romantic but it was cute and those feelings I had before, well they encouraged me not to ruin the moment.

                                                                                             ***

I woke up trying to fall asleep again but gave up. My eyes felt heavy with mascara left on from the night before. The dress I wore last night was also still on and I didn’t recognise the room I was in. I blearily looked around and found my hand holding a boy’s hand; if I remember correctly, Sebastian. As I became much more aware of my surroundings suddenly I saw that sticker and the flowerpot. Sebastian was still asleep and completely dressed beside me. That reassured me a little but not too much. I got up and tried to open the door and then realised it opened the other way. Shaking my head I tried to remember what had happened. To my relief I remembered a fair bit and worried much less. The sight of my very best guy friend kissing that brunette hit me like a blow to the head but otherwise nothing too regretful happened. I must have decided that I needed sleep more than I needed a boy to comfort me.

A thought entered my mind again. Why was I so normal?

Another one entered my head. Whose house is this? And then I remembered it was my friend Shea’s and I stopped worrying. I was supposed to sleep over. But was Sebastian? Well I guess he didn’t take up much room as he and I had shared.

“Cleoooo!”

She was much more awake than I thought anyone could be at this hour.

“Oh hey Shea.”

“What you want for brekky? I think I might have nothing but feel free to have some cereal or toast. So tell me what happened really? After you left me and the rest of the gang!”

I pressed my hands to my head. I could feel a headache starting to thump inside one part of my brain.

“OH! Right do you want some painkillers or something?”

She ran to the kitchen leaving me to follow behind, so I did, grateful not to relive some of the details of my night. She started babbling about her night while I gulped the pills down and waited for it to take effect. I thought I had better tell her about the boy in the room but not quite yet. She told me of all the going-ons that happened that she knew of and who hooked up with who and how she managed to keep everyone out of bedrooms (all except me). She mentioned my unrequited crush and how she saw them too and threw them out just because she could, as well as for me. That made me smile. She was my best friend after all. Then something happened.

Sebastian had woken up and walked into the kitchen. I looked on horrified inside but indifferent on the outside while Shea jumped up and grabbed something to defend herself and me.

“Woah there! It’s me, Sebastian. Your friend knows me. I came with a friend of yours; that guy making out with that little brunette girl.”

Shea looked at me suspiciously suspecting I must know something that she hadn’t told her. I had to speak now or forever hold my peace.

So I whispered a whole quick account of my night and she gasped and looked at me with a smile that said you cheeky devil you. All the while Sebastian stood in the doorway amused at my not revealing my night with him to her until now.

“He’s quite good-looking isn’t he?”  She whispered.

I rolled my eyes. Of course she would think of that first. Then she offered breakfast for him.

“Hey you, want some food?”

“Nah it’s cool. I should probably go hey? Don’t want to intrude on your hospitality any further than I already have. Might see you around...?”

“You don’t know her name and you slept with her???”

“We didn’t sleep together.” I sighed. Of course I forgot to say that and of course she would assume.

I got up to walk him to the door and Shea did too but I glared at her and she sat back down again knowingly and winked. Honestly! She winked.

He smiled at me and we walked to the front door not saying anything till we got there.

“Nice day isn’t it? Lovely weather for a stroll or a swim or something of that doing. Shea’s great. I mean she didn’t care you stayed over or anything and I was a little worried you know how this – ”

He covered my mouth with his hand again. I smiled shaking my head.

“You like avoiding topics of interest don’t you?”

“Are you and me interesting? You see I was under the impression that I was a little drunk and you were a little drunk and a boy and there’s not much else to say really. Completely and utterly uninterestingly uninteresting.”

He smiled back at me. It was making me nervous and tingly again. He tilted his head and because I didn’t want to say anything because I had begun to ramble, a nervous habit of mine, I kissed him.

“Stay here.”

He dazedly obeyed as I went back into the house and wrote something down on a piece of paper. I folded it, tightly held it in the palm of my hand and then raced back and slipped it into his pocket while kissing him on the cheek.

“See you.”

I closed the door and ran back inside to tell Shea everything.

As Sebastian walked away he opened the piece of paper and read the scrawl of letters and numbers.

Cleo - 0405904228