Happy Pets Pet Sitting

Hi all,

Just wanted to let you know I have a small business pet sitting, dog walking, and overnight house sitting in Brisbane.
If you want to know more, check out my website, www.happypetsitting.com.au

Many thanks! :)

Tara

The Worst Deceit

I see you Monday. You have to do some things at the shops and your old house and last time we talked I told you I’d been upset by us all week. I see you and I can’t help smiling even though I’d been so upset all week. Seeing you somehow stops me from remembering all my sad thoughts. I don’t bring up my sadness but you do. It’s nice that you actually want to talk about my sadness. It makes me think you have been listening to me. I can’t remember why I was sad (being with you) but I tell you I’ve been very sad about us all week. And you try to get me to talk but I don’t know what else to say because I don’t really want to get upset in the shopping centre. We don’t talk about it for a bit and we have some light banter. We go to your old home and you fix up whatever you need and I stare out the window watching the trees sway in the breeze. I secretly want you to come up behind me and hold me and kiss me and never let me go. You do come up and hug me from behind and kiss my neck and then we sit down and you put your head between my thighs and rest there. You have taken your shirt off and I am always fascinated by your bare chest and back and I can’t help but want to stroke your skin. You ask me again what’s wrong? And I say I don’t know what to say. I’ve been feeling terrible all week and being with people I’m ok but being alone I get sad and depressed about how we are. I don’t know how this is going to work. And my sadness is from things you can’t do anything about. I would like to be able to speak to you whenever I want rather than wait for you. And we try to think about how that could work. I joke that it’ll probably be only me figuring it out but I think you took that as an insult when it was a joke. We enjoy our time together until you drive me home. It was all fine. I knew it was going to happen and then you say you’ll possibly see me tomorrow and for a second I’m surprised and happy and then I remember the other times you have said that to me and what has happened and I feel sad. I say, probably not, to try stop myself from hoping and from being hurt when it didn’t happen. And you say, probably, and I say well you’ve said things will happen before and I haven’t heard from you, and you look at me helplessly and I realise I’ve ruined the end of our hang. You say possibly maybe you’ll see me and I leave. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just trying to protect myself from disappointment if it didn’t happen. And then I realise I’m hanging with my boyfriend all day the next day but in my head if you do prove me wrong and have time for me then I am prepared to lie to my boyfriend to spend time with you because I barely get to see you and I would be so happy if you proved me wrong this time. Maybe this time. 
I spend my day wondering if you are going to text and then realise by the end that you aren’t. I say to myself, well I suppose he was busy or caught up doing something. Because I never believed you would hurt me deliberately or value our time together so little. 
The next day you say, morning Sadie, in a very not friendly way the next day and I say, good morninggg, because I was in a better mood and you ask me what I’ve been up to and I say, not much, in a small hope you might be free even though I was doing some work. And you reply, chilling and possibly doing some unpacking, and I realise you probably aren’t free and so I confront the issue of yesterday saying I was right, and your next messages punch me hard in the chest. You said, no, I made you right. And I said, made me right?

And you said, I had some free time but I gamed instead. And I felt it. It hurt. It really hurt. You had chosen to not spend time with me. That was what you had just said to me. I said, that makes me feel terrible and you said I made you feel terrible on Monday. I still couldn’t believe it. You had said the words I had always dreaded. You didn’t want to see me. And I’m not quite sure why but it seemed to me that you did it for a petty reason. To teach me a lesson? To hurt me? To make a point? To prove my harsh but true words right? You didn’t apologise. You didn’t even seem like you cared that you hurt me. I told you, that really hurt, and you said I made you feel terrible too with some comments I made. So did you do it because I said something wrong?

I asked if I hadn’t said that would you have seen me? And you said you probably would’ve seen me if I hadn’t said that. And it’s like a threat to me. -I can’t tell you what hurts me anymore because it’ll hurt your feelings or you’ll take any time we could have together away from me-

And all I’m thinking is, you chose not to see me. Don’t you realise how little time we spend together already? Does that not matter to you? I would spend every little free time I could with you. Even when you have hurt me I would still rearrange my busiest day schedule for you. I have been lying to my friends and family and to my boyfriend for you. And you don’t even want to spend time with me...😶

I can’t believe you have done this to me. Why would you do it? You say you want me to be happy with you and then you do this. I can’t believe anything you say anymore. Your actions contradict your words, quite a few times now. I have given you so many chances and even accepted that you may not be there for me when I need you. But this has really ruined me. I don’t know how to trust you anymore. 

Healing

Bruises litter her arms. Her eyes fluttered open and she found a peaceful pain that helped her remember that she was still alive.

She couldn’t understand it but she knew with certainty; she had been somewhere where someone had really pushed her to the brink. Somehow she got lucky and disappeared.

She closed her eyes and pretended she could feel the presence of every living thing she was in contact with. It clouded her headed and numbed her senses.

She was safe here. She knew it.

She lay on the soft ground with the earth gently moulding to her skinny frame. She didn’t weigh much but the soil knew she needed a soft place to lay and adjusted to fit. She breathed in the richness of life and knew she couldn’t end it now. Not now she was in this beautiful world. She curled her fingers to feel more in contact with the world and buried her fingers in the soil.

“Hey! Get out of it! Leave my soil alone! What the hell do you think you’re doing ruining my beautiful cabbages! Ahhh get! Get gone with you!” 

She looked up slowly and saw a form growing bigger and more ominous coming this way. She stared fascinated and a little confused.

“Sorry.” She looked around and realised she must have been ruining someone’s lovely produce and felt a little bad but couldn’t help just feeling at peace in amongst it all. She was sorry to slowly get up and apologised once again. 

“Well now!”

She started leaving feeling like it was the right thing to do and said sorry again.

The man looked at her skinny frame and wondered how a thing like her ended up here.

His anger dissipated and he felt a little worried at her unhealthy stature. He knew whoever must have treated her that way must’ve been rotten and he didn’t want her to leave in such a state.

“Wait!” 

She turned her head and saw him staring with pity in his eyes and she stared straight into it. She knew it. She knew what she looked like and she knew that it would make people like this. She didn’t feel anything though. She just stared blankly wishing she hadn’t left the earth.

“Come here. You look like death.”

She stared doubtfully but where else was she going to go?

She knew the worst had happened and this place, wherever it was, was never going to be as bad as the place she had come from.

He walked over to her and looked like he wanted to reach out but he restrained himself from trying to show pity. She could see his eyes struggling to lie with kindness.

“I’m sorry” she said again.

He moved closer and reached around and pulled his jacket off and held it out to her.

Her tattered dress hung off her limply and she took the jacket not as a way to cover up but just as a courtesy to him so he didn’t have to stare at her form. 

She wrapped it around loosely and followed him. He kept glancing back at her making sure she hadn’t just stopped or turned and walked away. 

Sooner than she expected she saw a small cottage. It looked neat but also a little wild. The world grew differently here. She couldn’t remember her previous world but she knew this one was different. She followed him through a small gate that anyone could jump over easily. It was white and creaked when it stuck to the ground.

She closed it behind her and he led her into the door. The house smelled of stew and she felt it create a hunger she had forgotten to feel. He led her to a table and pulled out a chair. She sat down. It was wooden but there was a cushion to make it less grinding on her bones.

She watched him as he opened a cupboard with bowls in and spooned some stew into it. 

“It’s not quite ready but I bet that doesn’t matter much to you.” 

She just looked at him. She still didn’t feel anything. She had hunger but there was no pain, no emotion, just a blankness she didn’t know how to break out of. 

The earth made her feel part of something and now she was alone in the world with another stranger. She didn’t know what to feel. She didn’t feel part of anything and couldnt steal it’s contedness and peacefulness. She had to find her own way and so far she didn’t know how to be something. She didn’t know who she was in this life or her past life. She had no identity and it was all she knew.

He put the bowl in front of her with a spoon and broke off a piece of bread that smelt fresh. It was warm and soft and felt like it would taste amazing. She dipped it into the stew slowly and deliberately. She wasn’t quite sure what the right thing to do was but once she had thoroughly soaked the bread she lifted it to her lips, blew on it and bit down into the lush soggy bread. It was a relief- the whole feeling of it. It was something to focus on instead of the emptiness of her being. It spread warmth through her whole body. It was...comforting. This small piece of warm soggy bread somehow made her feel something after who knows how long of not and it was strange. The experience helped blossom other things in her. She ate with a little more confidence and slowly began to realise that she could let herself feel emotions and everything felt new and strange. She had not realised she had closed her eyes until she looked up and saw him with his back to her stirring away and adding other various ingredients to the pot. She was glad he wasn’t staring at her. It was comforting... there was that word again. Comforting that she could experience these feelings without being subject to an audience. It was hers and hers alone. No one else could relish in her experiencing herself for the first time in a long long time. It was great and a long way to being healed. But this stranger had helped begin to aid in her recovery and her strength; Strength in herself and in her physical body. Before she knew it the bowl was nearly empty except for the last bits of liquid she could gather up without some more bread.